Camp toilet humor is by no means exclusive to the male population. Here is a little gem my wife happened upon; A Woman’s rule of Thumb, if it has tires or testicles you’re going to have trouble with it. She loves to attest to the accuracy of this statement and I in response like to throw out this one; No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her. I guess we’ve picked up some real pearls of wisdom in camping toilets during our travels.
When my wife thrusts with the classic camp toilet jibe; the best way to a man's heart is to cut his breast plate open I like to pare with a camping toilet classic of my own in; Beauty is only a light switch away. Of course now that we own our very own portable camping toilet we don’t find the need to use public amenities near as often. We still manage to find humorous quotes and gags here and there though.
Here are a few camping tips picked up from various camp toilet walls around the country;
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely un heard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.
Well I hope you enjoyed these humorous little tips; In my next post I will be getting back to the more serious side of portable camping toilets. Remember owning a camp toilet is a privilege not a right.
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